Thursday, February 20, 2014
Free To Be...You And Me
So when I was a little girl, circa the early 1980's, when my hair was permed and my favorite accessory was a totally rad fanny pack. (I wish I were joking!) This was my mom's favorite album to play for my brother and me. Marlo Thomas and Friends "Free to be, You and Me."
It is pretty dated but let me assure you that the messages presented via Marlo Thomas are still as relevant today as they were 30 years ago. Equality. Acceptance. Freedom.
There is an awesome track about a little boy, (William) who is being teased by his friends and family for wanting to get a doll of his very own. William is at his wits end until his grandma comes to visit and gives the critics a talking to. Explaining that he wants a doll so that he can practice being a good daddy.
So, my brother and I each had a Cabbage Patch doll. My son has one too, along with some of my old, and now raggedy looking dolls. My son LOVES them and practices disciplining them and nursing them. (They all seem to need a lot of time outs and always seem to be battling a bad cold.) These moments help define what parenting is, in his 4-year old opinion. It is fun to hear him and to watch him practice this role. I have always felt that he is emulating the role of the nurturer and what a good thing to pretend.
What do you all think, my friends, do you think there is anything wrong with a boy playing with a doll? Do you have any similar stories about children wanting to play with toys that society says are "not for them?"
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ReplyDeleteI most certainly agree that he is just emulating the role of the nurturer during play. The "boy" toys out there definitely exemplify a blur between violence and play. "In a society saturated with antiquated ideas about what little boys "should" play with, trying to nurture so-called "feminine" traits—such as compassion and cooperation—can feel like fighting an uphill battle. But remember that despite what anyone else thinks, your child's much better off with a parent who understands that raising a well-rounded, happy kid is more important than conforming to gender norms." I played with dolls and barbies with my fave cousin Tommy when we were kids, and today his wife claims he is the most amazing and loving father and husband. Not sure what that may have to his playing with dolls, but it sure deserves mention. Way to go, Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteYour son's way of playing with dolls made me smile. I think it is admirable that you are not pushing him into the typical stereotype. I can find nothing wrong with a boy or girl who want to push the standards set by society. My brother and I are a couple years apart and growing up we always played with dolls together and I think it helped him become the person he is today because he is not judgemental towards others. I'm curious if there are other situations that you have witnessed with your son where he suprises you by bluring that line that society has set for gender roles.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting concept! It's not one of those things that I normally think about because gender norms are integrated so tightly into today's society. However, I watch what my cousin posts on Facebook most days about her kids (two girls and a boy) and how they trade off playing barbies and being batman. They even fight over who gets to be batman. This post had a great concept to it and I can't wait to see what comes next.
ReplyDeleteI personally do not see anything wrong with it, but I believe society as a whole does. Have you ever heard of "What Would You Do?" Check out this clip that sets up hidden cameras to see what customers would do in a toy store when a boy wants a doll! The dad and son are actors and what the customer does next is interesting!
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVloo9PLZ8Y
I love the open-mindedness that you all are harnessing. It is a challenge, as a parent, to try to kindle all sorts of gender expression. I recently heard my son talking to his stuffed animals, or "babies'" as he calls them, and again I listened to him nurse them and then discipline them. This pattern of his seems to be a practice of the experiences he is most familiar with; raising a child is a fine line between discipline and compassionate nurturing. I think this is why he replicates the habit with his babies. He is testing the waters of what adult behavior looks like to him.
ReplyDeleteYesterday he asked me, "Mom, when I go to dad's tonight I have something you need to do, but its a big "respons-a-dility," can you do it?" Not knowing what was on his mind, I blindly said "Sure, buddy." He informed me that "Foxy" (his biggest stuffed animal and the patriarch of all his babies) wasn't feeling very good and would not be able to take care of the other animals while my son was gone. He made me promise that I would feed all his babies and change their diapers. At preschool drop off I had to promise again.
It makes me proud that he feels a "respons-a-dility" to what he considers his kiddos. He worries about their needs. The way (not nearly to the extent) as a parent worries about their children. Its pretty great to witness.
Thanks for the feedback! (I love "What Would You Do" Lowell, thanks for sharing.)